I Don't Deserve Him!
by PaintedonCanvas
Summary: I don't deserve him, I don't deserve the perfection. 8059 One-shot


Hey everyone! I'm absolutely in love with this couple and I hope you are too! 8059!

Disclaimer: I don't own KHR! ;_;

I don't deserve him.

* * *

He's smart, talented, good-looking, even bilingual, and I'm just, me. My marks are below average, I'm clumsy and I can only speak Japanese, not to mention, my only speciality is baseball. He's confident, loyal, caring at times. I'm just a baseball idiot.

I don't deserve him at all.

So I decided to let him go. There's nowhere to go for someone like me. I can't do things like he can. I'm just going down a road to a dead end, but he isn't. He has a chance. He can live. Find a benefitting job, get a beautiful, caring wife, have a family to welcome him home everyday.

I can't drag him down. He's not going to live life to the fullest if he's stuck with someone like me.

Someone who can't even get a good job, someone who can't welcome him home everyday with dinner, someone who is so useless, someone who can't take care of him, someone like me, who can't love again if it's not him.

I'd be telling the biggest lie in the world if I said I didn't miss him.

If I said I didn't miss his hand that fits perfectly in mine, his small, pale body in my arms, the thin lips on his, the silver hair that was soft between my fingers.

It's for the better, I tell myself.

He probably wouldn't mind, right? We always fight anyway. It wouldn't make much difference, right? We always throw things at each other and scream insults anyway. He's never told me he loved me anyway.

It wouldn't matter right? Wrong. I don't deserve him, right? Wrong again.

* * *

I don't deserve the damn idiot!

Sure he's an idiot, but he's also the most kind, caring person I've ever seen or met. His sunny and bright attitude, his careless grin, his bright, brown eyes. Everything. He walks in the light, but I'm stuck here in the darkness. I love that smile of his. I love it when he lights up and hugs me tightly. I love it when he kisses my hair and holds me like I'm his lifeline. I love it when he whispers sweet words and tells me he loves me more than anything. I try to say it back, but it catches in my throat and I just nuzzle into his neck, hoping he'll understand. He usually does. But I don't want to do that to him anymore. He deserves better. He deserves someone who will tell him they love him, everyday of his life, everytime they saw him. Not someone like me, who hesitates and can't even tell the person I love most in the world that I do.

I'll miss him so much. The smile, the eyes, everything. His way too soft hair, his strong arms around me, the huge hand that envelopes mine. Everything about him is perfect. I cry, just thinking about a life without him. Without him is like a life without light, or oxygen for that matter.

I can't survive without him, but I have to. I don't want to let him go, I want to clutch onto him with all my might, but I have to.

But I never thought it'd hurt so much.

I thought I'd be fine.

I thought I'd feel sad and broken, I had anticipated that. I thought I'd move on someday, find a new girlfriend, lead a new life.

I was wrong.

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. IT HURTS. It hurts so much. I can't breathe. Save me. It's painful.

"Let's break up."

I woke up in tears.

* * *

It was a normal day, really. They went to school (they were third years now), ate lunch on the rooftop with Tsuna and Ryohei, walked Tsuna home, etcetera.

They walked to Yamamoto's house in comfortable silence, each thinking about how they're going to bring it up to the other.

They reached Takesushi and greeted Tsuyoshi before heading upstairs to Yamamoto's room, where they sat down on the floor in each other's arms, enjoying the other's company while it lasted.

"Gokudera?" Yamamoto starts, before kissing his hair and twirling his hair with his fingers.

"Hm?" Gokudera mumbles back, face buried in Yamamoto's uniform.

"Do you think it'd be better if… if we broke up?"

Time seemed to stop. He stopped breathing. Everything was still for a second.

"What… what do you mean?"

Yamamoto sighed and decided to just come out with it.

"I've… been thinking…" Gokudera snorted, that was pretty rare. "Y-You have a future, y'know?" Yamamoto silently cursed himself for stuttering. Gokudera stared up at him, waiting for more explanation. Yamamoto looked away from the watchful eyes.

"I don't deserve you!" There. He said it. He held his breath as he looked up to see Gokudera's face.

The last thing he expected was Gokudera to burst out laughing.

Gokudera was laughing. When he just said he wanted to break up. Wait, WHAT?

"Are you okay? Do you have a fever or something?" he asked the laughing man, genuinely worried.

"I'm fine." Gokudera replied through breaths.

"Is it that funny?"

"Y-Yes!" Gokudera had not stopped laughing. He was wheezing and panting.

"What about it is funny?"

"I-I was going to tell you to same thing!"

"Eh?"

Gokudera stopped laughing and hugged Yamamoto.

"You're kind, athletic, strong. So perfect. I'm just me, right?"

Yamamoto was, to say it in one word, surprised.

"Eh?! At least I'm not the one with straight A's and can speak more than 1 language!"

"What? You're the one who's extremely tall and healthy here!"

"WOah, woah, but you're the mature one in this relationship!"

"At least you top…" Gokudera mumbled.

The moment they realised what they were doing, they were both throwing fits of laughter.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

They went to sleep in each other's arms that day with one thought in mind.

_Please God, let me be selfish just this once._


End file.
